I have this obsession with remaking ugly cat knick knacks into crazy weird cats. Here I shall share! One is done, and one will show the progress of my madness.
Ew. Scary kitty. Big weird eyes and bat like ears. Bad kitty.
Awesome sweet eyed day of the dead cat! Aww love him. Much better.
Decent cat statue. But watch decent turn into dazzling…hardy har har.
Not quite there yet…
I do not remember how this came up. I have tried to recall how 3 women got on the subject of the narwhal. This is sad, as I know it was me that brought it up.
because no one knew, besides me, what a narwhal was.
I guess I was a luckier kid than I imagined. My mom taught elementary school, and reading was heavily encouraged, even my alcoholic father read as heavily as he drank. And that’s saying A LOT. The man was basically a walking keg.
Anyway, besides Hilights magazine, i also had an established subscription to Zoobooks magazine, a colorful and educational magazine about, duh, animals. This is where I learned of the creepy narwhal.
As many little girls were, unicorns were an obsession, and the grody photographs of the veiny and greasy looking tusk of the monodon Monoceros was alarming and made quite an impression.
So to find that 3 women didn’t know what a narwhal was, then to find that one more, an MD at that, didn’t know what one was..blew my overstuffed brain.
So as the inevitable google search began, we found multiple cartoons and etsy type narwhal products. Which only proves me opinion that artists are nothing if not nerds. Because they, like myself, are painfully aware of narwhals.
Art!
Stephanie, my pal, found this guy on google, and decided it was a perfect project. In fact, she publicly charged me with the mission on Instagram.
So began my thrift store and/or yard sale search for a dolphin or whale. Which I luckily found Monday.
step 1. Remove dorsal fin. Cut off, tuck in to run with existing seam. Stitch closed.
step 2. Remove snout thing. Repeat step 1.
step 3. Cut mustache shape from black fabric. Tack on.
Myself, I placed incorrectly, so I had to remove. You can skip this step if you like, or repeat it exactly, if you enjoy wasting time.
step 4. Make a horn/tusk from fabric you like. Make a skinny triangle shape, flip inside out, stuff with whatever. I had quilting, so that’s what I used, but you can really stuff it with whatever. I wouldn’t recommend like, old used Kleenex, but if that’s your thing, go for it.
step 5. Run a basic linear type stitch around in a swirl fashion. I was gonna bead it, but I ended up not liking the beads, so I took them off.
step 6. Sew on nose and mustache. Find discarded jewelry to fashion monocle out of.
And just like that, you have a sophisticated and/or hipster narwhal.
And you make your pals day.
Wow. I haven’t posted since April 30th. I knew I’d been slack.
Why? Numerous reasons. And to fully explain, I shall enumerate them.
1. Denial to the fancy smancy craft show left me irritable.
2. Acceptance into what is basically the equivalent of a fund raiser ice cream party that you only got into because you sold $1000 worth if $30 candy art show. I’ll explain some other time, I’m on the fence about it presently.
3. Trying to sell tickets to above art show. So I can get into it. See above.
4. Working my arse off trying to get art done for show. I am very literally working on at least 10 different things at the moment.
5. Keeping myself a float. I am having some slight health issues, many of which are secondary to stress.
6. Reclaiming my religion. And when I say that, I mean unlearning all the negativity I felt twords Christianity in general due to being brought up in southern Baptist God-hates-you-and-will-punish-you-for-no-reason-except-to-laugh. God is love. I never really knew that. This requires a lot if time, self reflection, and change on my part.
7. Due to #6, I had to change some business cards. My uncommon love of the F word is fairly well known, and since I have changed, my cards had to he altered. That’s 250 marked out F words. Takes time.
8. As my son gets older, he acts more and more like a typical 2 year old. These features are not always attractive. He is an adorable joy, and he makes my life unbelievably amazing and says things that make me laugh so hard, but he also says no to the point that he often makes a song of it.
He refuses to eat anything. He refuses to listen. He has 8 million hot wheels cars that are always underfoot, causing considerable pain to the stepper onner aka me.
9. My job. Ugh!! Diana is leaving for PA school and I am training her replacement. She is really good and learning quick, but training for me is difficult. I am not a good teacher. I am scattered and fragmented and distractable. This is usually not conducive to a great learning environment. Also, my supervisor is stepping down to a regular position and another girl in the clinic is taking her place, 2 people are quitting, another is pregnant and fairly hungry/sickly and other persons are bitter about it and 2 people are going thru a divorce. there is tons beyond tons or drama. I will never work in a practice with only women again.
10. My personal yard sale season has started as of last weekend. Woot! This helps me complete some projects but gives me ideas for new ones, so it’s a double edged sword.
11. Shane is going back to school in August. He is a multi project starter like me, so it seems we both run around like crazy persons trying to complete this or that while starting something else. We have to both find balance prior to August. This proves to be difficult when neither of us has free time to use the bathroom, much less sit down and plan anything.
I leave you with art! And the mess it makes!
And if you like my art, you can help my fundraiser by going here and donating $15! ugh I hate fundraising. But I have to do it so..beside where it says hugely I AM RAW, click buy a ticket. I have to sell 20..I’ve sold 1. Womp womp.
Finished for crystal. Personalized M&M bathroom decor.
Almost complete pin up patch for Shane’s motorcycle bag thingy.
Bird skeleton Christmas ornaments and display. I made the tree from branches and landscaping rocks and wood scraps. Spray painted of course, I have no gold trees nor silver chunk rocks. It’s probably the only thing I’ll sell. Wouldn’t that be my luck?
Panda stuffed animal taxidermy. Not done. Unfortunately now looks like this.
I found that stick thing at the scrap exchange in Durham and it was perfect to finish the project, but resulted in my pretty much taking all the bamboo off. Oh well!
18″ cathedral tin I got off Craigslist for FREE. It’s awesome and I must make something from it prior to June 20th. There’s like 14 of them.
Yeah. So. Yeah.
And this took an hour to write.
I have stitches. For the first time EVER.
I got them Friday.
Wamshanks.
In case you can’t tell from the photo the stitches are in..(drumroll please)
the knuckle of the pinky finger of my right hand!!
Why? Biopsy. That unfortunately needs to be right on the knuckle.
Did it slow me down? I thought it would.
Still looks gross! But stitches are still intact!
By the way..
click here to see the show I will be in! Yay!
As there’s always a catch, I have to sell 20 $15 tickets so if you are in the Raleigh area come see me!
Chaos.
My life is chaos. Just so everyone knows. Stress is my sustenance, the devil is out to get me, and approximately 87% of what I thought to be true is based on mistruths, if that’s even a word.
At least I can have a sense of humor. Only God and my sense of humor can save me now.
That being said..art!
This is the teamine panda. We sell Teamine at my work. It is a product that decreases dark under eye circles, hence the panda. How clever.
I decided to make him a little more panda like, firstly by removing his t-shirt.
Then I partially removed his head.
I did this out of necessity, not anger. Just so that’s clear.
I made him a new spine and head support to make him poseable.
Then I jammed it down his neck hole. Again, not out of anger, but necessity.
Then I took out these bamboo mats I bought at a yard sale a year ago, and ripped it to pieces.
Painted a few green, and took out some of the leftover feathers from my Scarlett o’ hara costume hat
And cut them smaller, painted them green.
Maybe my life is so awful because I’m really am alien, as evidenced by my hand size. Ew.
Drilled holes in an old award thingy for a base, and jammed painted bamboo sticks into said holes.
Wired pandas arms and sewed them skinner. Because, I mean, look at a picture of a panda. They are chubby in the gut, not the arms. Duh.
I still have to:
-dremel sand the base, so it looks like a forest floor
-figure out how to pose panda
-stabilize the bamboo to the base and glue leaves to said bamboo.
So instead of crying my entire lunch break, ill sit in my car and work on me panda.
At 12:07am (sunday, super early) I decided to try Nutella. I had a very small amount about, eh, 6 months ago. While I enjoyed it..didn’t really see what the big deal was.
Eh.
I ate it on graham crackers from 12:07 until right this second (12:33am) and am writing this to keep myself out of it. How is this stuff legal?
I found out last week, after an eye exam left me with demands to get labs due to having arcus senilis , which basically means I’m even older than I feel. The eye doc said I have 65 year old eyes! YAy.
This can be cause my high cholesterol and a metabolic disorder! Yay again! Did I mention all I eat is sugar!??
Like Saturday:
Breakfast: large caramel iced coffee from Bk
Lunch: poor imitation of said coffee
Snack: 1 bag sweet and salty chex mix
More imitation coffee
Lunch: coffee
Dinner: coffee
Late night smack: Nutella on graham crackers. Imagine what you would conside a lot of graham crackers and Nutella. Now multiply by 2. That’s how much I had.
So I finished 2 custom projects this weekend, the batman iPad case and the M&Ms.
I finished the batman case at work (oops) and couldn’t get any professional appearing photos, so excuse the lack of proper lighting and/or background:
My tags ( made them myself. El duh)
I was going to get printed ribbon, but I decided to just embroider on ribbon myself. If I ever sell enough to make this a hassle, I’ll consider ordering them, but for now I like the self made ones best.
The M&M crew:
I did 3 coats of mod podge, because I felt like they would need heavy sealing, because they are for a kids bathroom, and we all know children love to sling water hither and yon, and no one needs paint sliding down the wall.
When I am through with work today I will coat them heavily in acrylic as well, and then into the mail they go!
With the exception of my blood sugar issue and my bad Lifetime movie life, I feel satisfied with my accomplishments.
May 1st will be a hard transition for me, as that’s when my diet will change substantially, and I am hoping and praying it will not turn me into a hateful hard to get along with person. I will need all the prayers and positive vibes I can get, so throw me into yours if you can. Cause..I gotta beat Wilfred Brimley.
I need my fingers to make art and I need my feet to, um, walk and stuff, and diabetes can royally mess that whole thing up.
I am going out with a bang, as evidenced by Sundays breakfast:
But come May, I really and truly have to change.
So when I read instructional materials, I often skip over things that do not apply to me. Like things that would make my projects, in their boring stages, more time consuming. Like for example, how the industrial strength Velcro says in the back not to put thru a sewing machine.
What am I gonna do..hand stitch that too? Are the makers of Velcro insane?
As I ran the Velcro thru the machine, I found that the real issue was with the glue.
the glue that is so strong it pulls the needle from the machine.
The glue that clogs the needle hole and makes it impossible to re-thread.
The glue that somehow now coats the bobbin casing thingy.
So here I am, 6:39 am, doing some hand stitching in the Starbucks parking lot. I wanted to have this done today, but alas, it is not to be.
I did clean the whole operation of the sewing machine with Goo Gone, which I am sure will result in a fire, as I didn’t read the instructions at all. I just knew it took off sticky stuff.
I am sure a warning somewhere indicates how it should not be used on machinery parts.
Perhaps, as myself and my soon to be awesome iPad case burst into flames, batman will save us.
But for now, back to arduous early morning hand stitchery in the automobile.
